Don't Complain

Huseyin Alptekin, "Don't Complain"

I got this email from my best friend, Beth:


Friday, August 14, 2009 8:56 AM
From: "beth King"
To: "Aubrie Costello"

I'm intrigued by this, thought you may be too......

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/reinvent-your-life/articlegh.aspx?cp-documentid=20985140&GT1=32036






Do You Complain Too Much?

Author Valerie Frankel tests the popular program outlined in the book A Complaint Free World and tries to curb negativity, one gripe at a time.

By Valerie Frankel

Times are tough. I'd been saying that a lot lately. On the phone with my sister, I was refining the theme in detail, whining about the economy and free-floating anxiety along with the usual daily snafus. Annoyingly, she refused to join in my gripefest. It was so unlike her.

Then she told me she wasn't allowing herself to complain. In fact, the congregation at her temple, inspired by the book A Complaint Free World by Missouri minister Will Bowen, was attempting to stop griping, moaning, and whining en masse.

"For God's sake, why?" I asked.

"No need to put more negative energy out there," she told me. "It does more harm than good." As she continued to explain, and as I later read in the book, Bowen's theory was that complaining only exacerbates problems, individually and collectively.

"When we complain," he writes, "we are using our words to focus on things that are not as we would like. Our thoughts create our lives, and our words indicate what we are thinking. It is vital that we control our minds in order to re-create our lives."

The first step in controlling your mind? Become aware of what comes out of your mouth. By Bowen's logic, once you notice your complaints, you'll start to notice your negative thoughts and can learn to reframe them with more positive ones. Then you'll be happier, healthier, and wealthier.

It sounded ridiculous to me. Complaining was the glue that held my emotional life together. I didn't call it complaining, anyway. It was bonding, commiserating, friendship-building. Sure, I might veer toward the negative, but that was just my personality — and the personality of everyone I knew. Besides, the very concept of doing away with complaints was preposterous. Would not griping about the economy help pay the bills?

Then again, complaining wouldn't pay the bills, either. My sister, not complaining for only one day thus far, hadn't yet noticed a new serenity. Which, I pointed out, was technically a complaint. "You're right," she said, "I have to switch my bracelet now." The wrists-on component of Bowen's prescription: Each time you griped, you had to move a rubber bracelet* from one wrist to the other. The physical reminder focused your consciousness on the quest. On his first day of taking the no-complaint pledge, Bowen switched his bracelet so many times his hands got tired. A few months later, he'd achieved his goal of going 21 consecutive days without complaining.

I doubted I could go 21 minutes.

But I was willing to try — especially since not complaining was free. I'd give it a week, and then assess whether I felt less stressed. My husband, Steve, and daughters — Maggie, 13, and Lucy, 10 — agreed to join the fun (see? more positive already). I had to bribe the kids, offering them $100 at the end of the week, minus one dollar for each complaint. To my ears, all they ever did was complain, so I felt sure I wouldn't owe them a dime.

*A bracelet can be ordered for $1 at acomplaintfreeworld.org — so far, nearly six million have been sent out.

After my initial reading, my response:


Friday, August 14, 2009 12:14 PM
From: "Aubrie Costello"
To: "beth king"

this is amazing....can we do this though.....the writer put it perfectly... it is the glue, complaining. it does bring people together... but i know that the stiffest my neck gets is during complaining sessions. damn. crazy. i honestly feel like i'd loose a piece of me if I gave up complaining. I do it all the time. i can't even count how many times I do it during the day..or think it...i think complaints....wtf.
this is a challenge. especially if i have to work with my father....like how do you control it if you're surrounded by people who are complaining to you. won't it be awkward if you don't join in w/ empathy or sympathy for their complaints...I seriously cannot imagine my life without bitching ha.
i need to find a rubberband here at work...







All this talk about complaining brought me back to '07 and The Pavilion of Turkey at the 52nd Venice Biennale....http://www.biennale07-turkey.org/giris_en.asp?m1=ana






xo ac